Normalcy?...at last...

Chronicles of a timewaster

Chapter I;
Did you know that;
If you stared at one point long enough, nothing substantial would happen but guaranteed your eyes would probably begin to tear?
If you tried playing polo for the first time you'd probably end up assaulting the horse you're riding on or end up on the ground trampled by some really annoyed animals?
If chameleones could talk, then the conversation would probably be the most retarded and annoying, stutter-thon you ever did hear?
Have you ever wondered if fish could survive in a coffee(the drink!) tank (in the event that the fish bowl breaks and stuff)?
Do snails migrate?
The chronicles continue...

Electioneering

I really wish I was the entrepreneurial type and had the funding...I'd open a printing company and specilise in printing campaign paraphanelia only! I'd be rich I tell you, what with so m uch political hype in the country right now, I'd print shirts, posters, banners and hats for every Tom, Dick, Harry, Anne, Jane and whoever who wanted to run for elective office and then I'd be stinking rich...better yet I'd learn how to make websites and make them sites for all them peeps and then I'd be rich....but alas I'm neither so I'll sit back and just rue the fact that others will capitalise on my ideas...if ony wishes were horses...

Intellectuals...

It may seem a wee bit far fetched but if you feel me on this, then just hi-five yourself for me. Isn't it true that all intellectuals have a few loose nuts in their heads? Indulge me for a moment;

Q1. Alexander Graham Bell decided to invent the telephone because....

- there was an incessant ringing in his ears?

- the running messenger was becoming a pain in the neck?

- there was a sudden urgent need for telephone communication ans the onus fell upon him?

Q2. Sir Isaac Newton thought it a good idea to waste a pretty long period of time sitting under an apple tree waiting for an apple to fall in order that he prove the existence of the force of gravity. Had he never seen something fall down before or had he never noticed that all the things ever thrown upwards, never quite stayed up there and came back to earth promptly?

Q3. The mother of all...Benjamin Franklin decided that the had to prove that there was electric current in lightning strikes. He decided to fly a kite in a thunder storm; as if this was not enough, he put a key on the end of the kite to improve conductivity. Where was he at the end of that 'brilliant' experiment?...Need I say more

Tremore-tised!

So it’s been a pretty while hasn’t it? Well I’m back and its bumper harvest for you, article wise. So here goes…
I never thought I’d be ever writing this but dumb as it may sound, do the math:
What do you get when you add traumatised to a public living in fear of earth tremors? Well try tremor-tised on for size. In the last four weeks, Kenya has been hit by a series of tremors, some big some small and some fictional (but that’s a story for another day!). I’m not quite sure of the number of tremors that were experienced, but by around Thursday 19th of July, there had been about eight tremors, four of which I had felt. This is not an “I felt the tremors!” moment though, no! It’s a moment to put a few things in perspective. Though we lie on the Rift Valley, Kenya is fortunate not to experience much earthquake activity; so it was quite a shock when the tremors began to frequently rock the country and quite frequently they did. One actually has the audacity to get up to 6.0 on the Richter, so it was quite the scary experience.
Bearing all this in mind and the earthquake history of the country, it would be rather expected that mass hysteria be the absolute reaction of the Kenyan public. Some of the reactions however were ridiculous; I recall one lady being interviewed on news and she said that her workplace building had swayed in the tremors and she was feeling unsafe and thus was going home to recuperate; fair enough, but it was 8.15 a.m.! She should have just said she needed an excuse to go home. We also had ‘experts’ saying Kenya was being punished for her sinners and thus everyone had to repent their sins before the ‘big one’ hit; funny, I thought nobody could predict an earthquake, even scientifically!?>?@ Funny thing is Kenyans actually believed our ‘experts’ and actually were seen to say so on national television.
Well what to say, turns out some mountain in Tanzania (next door country) was having a tummy upset and just needed to belch out some lava and that would be it; and it did. Too bad they didn’t stop, turns out there was one more but it’s been pretty quiet ever since. I guess you can’t fault those Kenyans for being tremor-tised!

Paradoxical oximorons Part I

My country rocks people, we totally rock. Not only for the sports and parties and nightlife, but for various other things that go on in the capital that we all love. Try this on for size...
Earlier last year, a prominent individual in the political scene stunned the public when he claimed that some mercenries (read bad arse dudes) ahd benn hired by the government to assasinate him. He went forward to add that he had copies of their passports and better yet knew where they were holed up at that particular moment. The said individuals (read tallish, biggish, white dudes with strange Eastern European accents) meanwhile were busy making headlines with ridiculous action after the other and throwing monster parties every other day; they were pretty much the talk of the day every other day...
Qn1: Who in their right mind would fork out copies of their passports to the individual they have been sent to assassinate so that they may be made public?
Qn2: If you were an assassin?why would you be in the news every other day thus becoming the second most famous face in the country after the president?

SceneII:
The other day the same guys were in the news for the umpteenth time...apparently after being deported, tehy are back in teh country to chill out in the state lodges and enjoy the security accorded to state guests; and guess what, the same dude, raised the alarm, which leads me to yet another set of queries.
Qn 3: How the hell does this dude know about these dudes (read bad arse dudes) every other day? has he no better task to accomplish all day?

Summary: I ain't trying to start nothing, so don't be saying I'm trying to bring up something.

The state of confused weather months

If you are Kenyan, then you know January is meant to be like the hottest month on the calendar that we have and February becomes a bit more sublime as we head towards our rainy season. Well folks, I welcome you to the state of confused weather months. We're officially now in January according to the weather. The other January was screwed up by the rains that spilled over from December and therfore it was relegated to a December like month i.e. December B and so now were in January people, so invest in them light shirts and strapped tops because were in for a hot one. And you said global warming was a thing of the statisticians and scientists...

Sometimes its great to just disappear for a while; I think. I work at an airline now and we fix planes all day long. its actually quite interesting really and you never quite figure how large an aircraft is until the day you are seated in the aircrafts belly and you dont cover much space then it hits you that its a bloody big invention. But hey thats just me; thats what happens when a bit of grease starts to leak into your head...too much thinking

Sevens and sports

So it's been an awfully long time; must be an indication of just how hectic life can become but hey who's asking right? I'll live though. Im dead tired,trying to recover form a rugby sevens tournament I was playing in over the weekend; people, what you see on tv is not as simple as it looks, believe me, its like a gazillion time harder and that's on a good day. Every collison you see is at high pace and with such impact theres definately room for injury if my behind is anything to go by; but as I said, who really wants to know right?
Sport inKenya is definately picking up people, save for the politiking in the football fields, all else is fine and dandy and who knows, pretty soon we'll be exporting various internationals in their fields(save for football) but thats just my take. Thats my two cents for the day. later people.

Days from hell.

Ever heard of the saying,'you can tell a good day from the morning'?or something like that?well I havent but i know for a fact that you can always know a crappy day when it starts. As for the day, well I suggest you just join me as we journey thro what has gotta be the worstest day this morning.
First of all, I wake up and my foot is swollen coz i picked up an injury last night at training so i have to rub it down with somke ointment setting me about ten minutes behind schedule;fast forward to the shower and its all chaos as the bloody water wont flow thro the damn shower!aaaah!so its time to leave and im late so i have to sprint to the stage and grab a matatu and i cant get one but one comes eventuially.so am so late to get the bus to work in the morning.
Get off the matatu and sprint off across town to look for the bus and eventually i get there and then the devill posses the curb and i end up tripped up and headlong into the hard asphalt. a great pair of jeans is ruined, i have two grazes the size of something else and my dusty self still has to make it to the bus. Bllody hell people.Why me?

Hawkers Dilemma - My take

If you've been in Nairobi of late, the I guess you've heard of the recent series of riots/chaos/fracas caused by the hawkers who claim that they have a right to peddle their wares in the CBD. Now I tend to be a fair man so I think we should analyse the situation critically.
About three years back, they were moved from the streets amid calls for the then minister for local government to resign and alloted spaces within the back and sidestreets of downtown Nairobi. all went well for a while but the hawkers slowly began to trickle back into town and pretty soon they were back in the cbd causing all sorts of chaos. So the government alloted them an entire market place at a place called Ngara and tehy were all asked to register with the Ministry of Local Government then get allocated stalls at the new market. This happened and for about a week there was calm on the streets and anybody could walk around the streets freely.
Then they began to trickle back into the streets again and ever since it has been a battle royale with the city council and policce officer that has led to the deaths of about five pople so far. I believe the hawkers are selling themselves short for as long as they remain on the streets nothing can be done for them. They need to move to the market and stay there and the customers will find their way to the market, simply put it is a problem that they keep fuelling themselves and it will never end, not until they move to the market and stay there.

Reference

For the best ever definition of an offside rule as tobe seen by the ladies i suggest you visit the following blog
Pilli's Blogs.search for it on google and read a post called offside 100.

Gobsmacked and inebriation...strange befellows

You know, I play rugby for a Kenyan club called Nondescripts RFC. Its a pretty old club, with about 80years of tradition behind it and experience too. At the club we have a tradition of awarding and fining offenders and heroes of the day at the end of each match. What happens is you (hero/villain) get to stand on a bar stool in full view of the entire composition of the club and you get to down a beer (500ml of freezing cold beer) in a set amount of time as we sing you a song. All this is well and good but what happened the other day sends me into stitches of laughter...
The'Man of the Match' was being awarded his prize for the day but first the finemaster had to give a bit of a speech. In his speech (it was pretty long) he said '...I was gobsmacked by the efficiency with which we were turning over the ball to our favour...". This would be a pretty normal statement in an area of great sobriety but in the inebriated state we were in, the guy next to me stands up and says " He was Gob-Smacked?" "Who the hell is Gob?Thya have a player called Gob?Did you know they had a player called Gob?and why did he smack him on the pitch?where were the rest of us to help him?" of course this sent us into fits of laughter and such like behaviour but weeks later I decided to just ask, who the hell sanctioned the use of such a word, gobsmacked and what pray do tell does it mean?
I still wonder...

Mosquitoes!dum dum dum dum!!

Answer these few questions first:
a. Why do mosquitoes always come to buzz around you ears just at that particular moment when you're just about to fall asleep?
b. Why do mosquitoes only bite around the temple and forehead area when your fast asleep?
c. Why is it that you never quite succeed in swatting away any mosquitoes when yopur flail your hands around in frustration when in bed?
d. Where do mosquitoes go during the day?
e. How come nobody has ever sufferd from mosquito bites during the day?
These are just som of those facts that are so blatant but people dismiss them as hogwash instead of actually discussing them. I live in a country where Malaria is still a major casue of death let alone concern so for me its just not a silly statement. What, pray do tell, is the purpose of mosquitoes in this world coz i fail to understand. All they do is make sleep impossible, large markets for insecticides and camping is made so much more expensive due to and increased demand for mosquito repellant. They'll buzz round your ears, give you ridiculosu bumpson your forehead, give you itchy hands and such like complications...so someone please tell me, why in the name of good old Isaac Newton do we have mosquitoes in this world!?!

Ummmmh...

If there is a day that sucks almost as much as Monday, its Tuesday. Well, its just a day away from the weekend and is succesfully three more days before the onset of the weekend thus frustration begins to creep in right about the point where the reality of the 72hours before the weekend checks in but I guess its opne of those things you learn to get used to. Nothing too spectacular has happened today to me, but I got the production engineer in charge of my workshop to talk to me so hey I guess we can claim it as an achievemenet for the minnow(i.e. me). so im seatig here trying to come up with something spectacular to write about but I'm drawing a perpetual blank so I guess its curtains for my blogging for the day, but feel free to pop in and say hi.

The 7s weekend...

Well, well, well, the weekend's gone and the Monday blues are here, but they wouldn't have been here had people listened to me and taken my advice(read the post 'Away with Mondays'). Anyhow, where was I? oh yeah the 7s weekend is just over and well lets just say from a rugby view, if you were'nt there, then something must be really wrong with your planning. It was a splash of rugby talent all over the place with France (top seeds who really disapointed), SA Boks (eventual champions), Zimbabwe (finalists), Kenya(semi finalists who should have won but lost), Tanzania (there to makeup the nuimbers) and a bunch of othre teams you can read about in the newspapers amd stuff. Three days of intereseting if not breathtaking action. I cant delve too much into detail buit I will say this, Kenya had an excellent tourney save for the lapse in defence taht cost them the final spot but hey, win some lose some, thats whhat life is all about right?

Away with Mondays!!!

Many a man have claimed that Im quitethe lazy bugger but i think not but allow me the chance to elaborate if only to support their claim. Am I the only one who tends to think that weekends are a bit too short? whne you dothink about it, you go out for drinks of Friday, spend half of Saturday recovering and by the time your back to dfull one hundred percent, its already five on saturday and half the weekend is gone and just after that drinks again on saturday that leaves one a cabbage all thro to sunday evening. does that sound a bit familiar? if it does,then join my cause as we petition the world powers (I have no idea who those are but whne you find out please tell me) to make and extra weekend day. to hell with monday, we can go From Friday, to Saturday, Sunday then rename Monday to 'The Day' then to Tuesday that way ensuring an extra weekend day and no Monday morning blues coz heck, there is no more Monday. what ya think?

Im back

So after taking a sabatical off this blogger business, I think its time i make a comeback tot his world. Its beena awhile though, been checking up to see whos been posting and i must say i kinda missed this side of life so now that am bak Ill see wwhat new stuff to bring this way and hopefully you guys will agree. enough said for today, lets get typing.