Ten years

Ten years. It's been ten years since that fateful Friday; ten years since that gunman fired that shot; ten years since you were so cruelly taken away from our lives. Yet it still feels like it was just yesterday. There are many reasons to not revisit that night but try as I might, whether consciously or uncociously, I find myself taken back to that night time and time again. I have come to accept that it shall stay with me as long as I breathe.

You must understand though, this world was not ready for you to leave it; our world was not ready for you to leave it; heck I was not at all ready for your exit. I was but a young man slowly beginning to understand the vagaries of legally sanctioned adulthood when this happened. It took me straight from young man to fully fledged grown man in but a flash and bang of an ill directed muzzle. I just wasn't ready.

But you knew all this didn't you? All those subliminal messages you'd been landing in my system all my life; showing me how to shoulder responsibility and taking it in stride; life lessons shared while fixing KWB as it fought to remain relevant to the world; at sports days as we competed against other tag teams; teaching me how to be a man without actually teaching me. I feel you ought to take full responsibility for the man I turned out to be. I only wish I had a chance to thank you personally before you left us. 

The shoes you left are massive to fill. Why just last month I walked Wanjiku down the aisle and when the priest asked me if I had anything to say as we handed her over to her new family, I said no. I could walk in your stead, but I still have to get to the point when I can speak as you would have spoken - but I'm working on it. I know that you check in on us every once in a while; but when you do, double the visits to mum. I know she misses you even more than either I or the girls do. 

I don't think I will ever quite fathom the events of that dark Friday night; nor will the order of those events; nor the occasional cold-sweated nightmares as fueled by those events. But I don't think such events are to be understood. So I will leave it as such. 

It's been ten years; the wound is still as raw as ever but that may change over time. 

Your memory lives strong within us all. 

Till we meet again.

The Insomniac tales: Counting dilemmas

Hickory dickory dock

The mouse ran up the clock

The clock struck four

The movie ran down the clock

Hickory dickory dock 

This silly nursery rhyme has been playing over and over in my mind from the moment that damn mouse run up the clock and it struck one. In this time, I have exhausted all the cold points in the bed and the cold sides of the pillow have run out. 

I have in essence concluded a census of sheep, goats, cows, camels, donkeys, fish and all other sorts of animals that may have wandered aimlessly into Old McDonald's farm. At this rate, I could become a census official but I digress. 

Under normal circumstances, there would be enough mosquitoes to engage me in mortal combat that would last hours. Alas, it seems killing five of their breed and leaving their bodies pasted on the wall has finally paid off and the entire population has relocated. 

In three hours I need to be up and about contributing to the general development of the world but here I am counting my toes again. 

This will be a difficult day at best. 

Serenity

The hour is late and both body  and mind grow weary of labour induced since the sun was seen and the day was but a toddler. It's been one of those days. Nothing stirs the night time save for the occasional creaking as the building stretches in it's slumber.

They said it would snow today and true to their word, the snow is silently going about it's business blanketing the neighbourhood.  From my lofty perch I watch as green becomes white under a flurry of snowflake after snowflake.
There is something hypnotic about watching the snow fall from the heavens above; something magical and I daresay peaceful about it. Something akin to a fresh start; a cover up of our glaring inadequacies as humans; and watching it long enough nothing short of an ode to the wonders of mother nature.

So I sit in silence, contemplation made easier by the serenity provided by mother nature on this night. Unlike must people, the silence does not drive me insane. On the contrary, I find peace and harmony in such rare moments. However for now I will not sit and  think; I will just enjoy mother natures display of a pacifying mechanism and bathe in the serenity she's provided.

Lessons 2012 style

In a moment of possibly champagne inspired genius, I ended the year two thousand and eleven with the buoyant declaration: "Two thousand and twelve , your ass is mine!" In retrospect, this was proclamation over circumstances yet to be encountered. Had I thought it through, it would have been prudent to break the year down to smaller and more manageable segments, but now I do realise that this would have been the height of mediocrity and starting the year on a mediocre note would have set that as the benchmark; and mediocrity is definitely something I abhor being associated with.

Truth be told, two thousand and twelve was a tough year in many respects. Life happened as if it was on a cocktail of performance enhancing steroids and in the occurrence that is the perfect storm, Lady Luck was charmed right on out of my area code. When luck absconds duty, you grit your teeth and get stuck in it; and so it came to pass, teeth were gritted, sweat wiped off brows and Father Time kept that ticker going. Lesson 1: When the going gets tough, the tough get going or they get gone!

The 'summer' was a blur and with it came the celebration of world sport that is the Olympics. Those came and went and we did as well as a cow in the Kentucky Derby - we here is the collective term I use to represent all patriots-to-death like me. That lacklustre performance by our usually spot on lads and lasses put a significant  damper on the remainder of the summer. On the flip side however, new friendships were forged and old ones rekindled quite avidly. Lesson 2: Good friends are always good to have around as long as they are not seasonal.

Autumn and winter were about as much fun as an appendectomy with a blunt and rusty pen-knife. Teeth gritting only resulted in potentially high dental fees. These months were akin to that epic battle between Jacob and the Angel of the Lord as depicted in the Bible. Sometimes in life, the reservoirs of human strength are stretched beyond the realm or reason and we must look beyond ourselves for help. To the divine I turned and true to the word, assistance was forthcoming. Lesson 3: Swallow your pride and ask a higher power for strength.

All in all, two thousand and twelve was an action packed movie with really poor dialogue inter-spacing the fighting.

Two thousand and twelve, you have loved and left me but such is what life throws our way sometimes. I staggered out battered and bruised with a headache as if I got head-butted by a zebra. I have left feeling rather short-changed, like the water pipe forever ferrying water but never quenched of seeming thirst.

You have taught me things about me that nothing else could have and for that I thank you; however, next time, just send a letter please.

Two thousand and twelve, go and stay gone; two thousand and thirteen, learn from your predecessor, and be easy.

Here we go!