You must understand though, this world was not ready for you to leave it; our world was not ready for you to leave it; heck I was not at all ready for your exit. I was but a young man slowly beginning to understand the vagaries of legally sanctioned adulthood when this happened. It took me straight from young man to fully fledged grown man in but a flash and bang of an ill directed muzzle. I just wasn't ready.
But you knew all this didn't you? All those subliminal messages you'd been landing in my system all my life; showing me how to shoulder responsibility and taking it in stride; life lessons shared while fixing KWB as it fought to remain relevant to the world; at sports days as we competed against other tag teams; teaching me how to be a man without actually teaching me. I feel you ought to take full responsibility for the man I turned out to be. I only wish I had a chance to thank you personally before you left us.
The shoes you left are massive to fill. Why just last month I walked Wanjiku down the aisle and when the priest asked me if I had anything to say as we handed her over to her new family, I said no. I could walk in your stead, but I still have to get to the point when I can speak as you would have spoken - but I'm working on it. I know that you check in on us every once in a while; but when you do, double the visits to mum. I know she misses you even more than either I or the girls do.
I don't think I will ever quite fathom the events of that dark Friday night; nor will the order of those events; nor the occasional cold-sweated nightmares as fueled by those events. But I don't think such events are to be understood. So I will leave it as such.
It's been ten years; the wound is still as raw as ever but that may change over time.
Your memory lives strong within us all.
Till we meet again.
