Chronicles of a timewaster

Chapter I;
Did you know that;
If you stared at one point long enough, nothing substantial would happen but guaranteed your eyes would probably begin to tear?
If you tried playing polo for the first time you'd probably end up assaulting the horse you're riding on or end up on the ground trampled by some really annoyed animals?
If chameleones could talk, then the conversation would probably be the most retarded and annoying, stutter-thon you ever did hear?
Have you ever wondered if fish could survive in a coffee(the drink!) tank (in the event that the fish bowl breaks and stuff)?
Do snails migrate?
The chronicles continue...

Electioneering

I really wish I was the entrepreneurial type and had the funding...I'd open a printing company and specilise in printing campaign paraphanelia only! I'd be rich I tell you, what with so m uch political hype in the country right now, I'd print shirts, posters, banners and hats for every Tom, Dick, Harry, Anne, Jane and whoever who wanted to run for elective office and then I'd be stinking rich...better yet I'd learn how to make websites and make them sites for all them peeps and then I'd be rich....but alas I'm neither so I'll sit back and just rue the fact that others will capitalise on my ideas...if ony wishes were horses...

Intellectuals...

It may seem a wee bit far fetched but if you feel me on this, then just hi-five yourself for me. Isn't it true that all intellectuals have a few loose nuts in their heads? Indulge me for a moment;

Q1. Alexander Graham Bell decided to invent the telephone because....

- there was an incessant ringing in his ears?

- the running messenger was becoming a pain in the neck?

- there was a sudden urgent need for telephone communication ans the onus fell upon him?

Q2. Sir Isaac Newton thought it a good idea to waste a pretty long period of time sitting under an apple tree waiting for an apple to fall in order that he prove the existence of the force of gravity. Had he never seen something fall down before or had he never noticed that all the things ever thrown upwards, never quite stayed up there and came back to earth promptly?

Q3. The mother of all...Benjamin Franklin decided that the had to prove that there was electric current in lightning strikes. He decided to fly a kite in a thunder storm; as if this was not enough, he put a key on the end of the kite to improve conductivity. Where was he at the end of that 'brilliant' experiment?...Need I say more

Tremore-tised!

So it’s been a pretty while hasn’t it? Well I’m back and its bumper harvest for you, article wise. So here goes…
I never thought I’d be ever writing this but dumb as it may sound, do the math:
What do you get when you add traumatised to a public living in fear of earth tremors? Well try tremor-tised on for size. In the last four weeks, Kenya has been hit by a series of tremors, some big some small and some fictional (but that’s a story for another day!). I’m not quite sure of the number of tremors that were experienced, but by around Thursday 19th of July, there had been about eight tremors, four of which I had felt. This is not an “I felt the tremors!” moment though, no! It’s a moment to put a few things in perspective. Though we lie on the Rift Valley, Kenya is fortunate not to experience much earthquake activity; so it was quite a shock when the tremors began to frequently rock the country and quite frequently they did. One actually has the audacity to get up to 6.0 on the Richter, so it was quite the scary experience.
Bearing all this in mind and the earthquake history of the country, it would be rather expected that mass hysteria be the absolute reaction of the Kenyan public. Some of the reactions however were ridiculous; I recall one lady being interviewed on news and she said that her workplace building had swayed in the tremors and she was feeling unsafe and thus was going home to recuperate; fair enough, but it was 8.15 a.m.! She should have just said she needed an excuse to go home. We also had ‘experts’ saying Kenya was being punished for her sinners and thus everyone had to repent their sins before the ‘big one’ hit; funny, I thought nobody could predict an earthquake, even scientifically!?>?@ Funny thing is Kenyans actually believed our ‘experts’ and actually were seen to say so on national television.
Well what to say, turns out some mountain in Tanzania (next door country) was having a tummy upset and just needed to belch out some lava and that would be it; and it did. Too bad they didn’t stop, turns out there was one more but it’s been pretty quiet ever since. I guess you can’t fault those Kenyans for being tremor-tised!

Paradoxical oximorons Part I

My country rocks people, we totally rock. Not only for the sports and parties and nightlife, but for various other things that go on in the capital that we all love. Try this on for size...
Earlier last year, a prominent individual in the political scene stunned the public when he claimed that some mercenries (read bad arse dudes) ahd benn hired by the government to assasinate him. He went forward to add that he had copies of their passports and better yet knew where they were holed up at that particular moment. The said individuals (read tallish, biggish, white dudes with strange Eastern European accents) meanwhile were busy making headlines with ridiculous action after the other and throwing monster parties every other day; they were pretty much the talk of the day every other day...
Qn1: Who in their right mind would fork out copies of their passports to the individual they have been sent to assassinate so that they may be made public?
Qn2: If you were an assassin?why would you be in the news every other day thus becoming the second most famous face in the country after the president?

SceneII:
The other day the same guys were in the news for the umpteenth time...apparently after being deported, tehy are back in teh country to chill out in the state lodges and enjoy the security accorded to state guests; and guess what, the same dude, raised the alarm, which leads me to yet another set of queries.
Qn 3: How the hell does this dude know about these dudes (read bad arse dudes) every other day? has he no better task to accomplish all day?

Summary: I ain't trying to start nothing, so don't be saying I'm trying to bring up something.

The state of confused weather months

If you are Kenyan, then you know January is meant to be like the hottest month on the calendar that we have and February becomes a bit more sublime as we head towards our rainy season. Well folks, I welcome you to the state of confused weather months. We're officially now in January according to the weather. The other January was screwed up by the rains that spilled over from December and therfore it was relegated to a December like month i.e. December B and so now were in January people, so invest in them light shirts and strapped tops because were in for a hot one. And you said global warming was a thing of the statisticians and scientists...

Sometimes its great to just disappear for a while; I think. I work at an airline now and we fix planes all day long. its actually quite interesting really and you never quite figure how large an aircraft is until the day you are seated in the aircrafts belly and you dont cover much space then it hits you that its a bloody big invention. But hey thats just me; thats what happens when a bit of grease starts to leak into your head...too much thinking